The Chronicles of Niania

The Chronicles of Niania

by DmpstrBaby

Peter was walking down the street with his usual douche bag face, looking down on everyone who dared to look him in the eyes. He was going to his favorite restaurant, it was lunch time and he had a craving for tea and crumpets.

Peter never saw the open manhole, because he was too busy pointing his nose at the sky.

He fell and plunged deeper into the dark unknown. Finally he saw the dirty bottom coming at him, and then a whiff of shitty stench violated his nose. He wretched, closed his eyes and crack! His neck broke and body lay lifeless.



It was the day of Peter's funeral and everyone was mourning. His brother and sister knew that if he could speak, he would have been a complete jerk. This reminded them that if he had been in charge, it would have been perfect.

Claire had to make a break for the bathroom; her tampon was over flowing and had begun to leak down her leg. She was pleasantly surprised to see that the funeral's home toilet wasn't creepy at all.

She sat and pushed until there was a, plop. She felt better dropping the large turd that had been stuck in her intestines, and then she removed her tampon and inserted a fresh one. Claire got up and bent down to flush. She heard a blip! Her necklace fell in.
"Oh no! My precious necklace. A gift from my great grandmother," Claire exclaimed in her usual British accent, of the 19th century that makes everyone in England, sound like they are highly educated intellectuals.

Claire’s hand plunged in, pushing the tampon to one side and the big deuce on the other. She could see her necklace just laying there on the bottom. She reaches but instead of grabbing it she pushes it even deeper. Now elbow deep into the toilet hole, she finally grabbed the fucking thing. As she was about to pull out she felt something took hold of her wrist and pulled her in.
Claire cried for help. She felt relieved when she heard the door open, "Are you ok sweetie," Uncle Tom asked?
She sobbed, it was a really bad TV show where the contestant had to choose between losing her arm to whatever is pulling on it, or asking Uncle Tom to come in and save her.
“Who needs two arms anyway,” she pondered?

Claire's arm was all the way in, but when she thought things were going to start breaking, her head began to bend and twist out of shape, making its way down the hole. Her entire body was sucked in. She really hated the idea of dying by drowning in her own shit, which was so not 19th century British like.

Claire felt like she was still alive and unhurt, but that was impossible. When her brain stopped trying to make sense of it, she focused on where she was and her surroundings. She was cold and realized, she was sitting in snow. That made sense.

Something stirred and approached her, "Hi I ‘m puke and you are the chosen one.

In front of her was standing a naked man like beast with horns, and enough chest fur to cover the top of the things body. The bottom part was bare skin with a thin waist and legs. She was very disappointed looking between his legs she noticed his genitalia.
It could probably fit into her nostril, Claire thought.

Puke noticed that she was spending a lot of time looking at his crotch and proclaimed, "Welcome to Niania! Where performance is what matters."

"Niania," Claire exclaimed!

"Yes, Niania, a kingdom of magic and talking animals."

"Oh! Just like Oz," she asked?

"NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

She smiled, "but the talking animals and wizard.”

He growled, "I never said wizards, I said magic. It has nothing to do with Oz. Now let’s get out of here before the evil queen's guard shows up."

"Are we going to meet with the Mad Hatter,” she asked?

"With wh... NO! This is a completely independent fantasy world. We have no affiliation what so ever with any other coma induced world, now shut the fuck up, and follow me woman!"

Claire remembered that her mother once told her to never argue with a man who wears no pants, so she got up and followed him.

"Say Puke, any way I can get some winter clothing soon?"

"Why? You're the chosen one, the cold doesn't affect you!"

"But my toes are kind of blue and black, I fear I'll be losing them soon."

Puke looked at her feet, grabbed is knife and removed a large piece of his chest air. The magical chest hair transformed into winter boots.

"Could I please have some more? You see my panties did not travel with me."

"Panties! Does it look like I can magically make panties appear out of nowhere?"

END Scene one

I'd like to stress that I am in no way a writer, that I write without any structure what so ever. I wrote it as I think it which explain why my stories are.. not so structured ;) Since this is my blog and I can do whatever I want, I am humble enough to share my amazing gift with you. Critic will obviously be ignored unless they are constructive or positive ^.^

A big thanks to S.G. for proof reading anyway! Hug&kisses